**Happy Mother's Day**, my best friend!
I love you. And you know that.
As I start to write this, tears roll down my eyes and cheeks, already.
I firstly thank you for giving me birth.
For bearing the excruciating labour pain and giving me life.
For cleaning my diapers while I was a baby.
For loving me more than anything else in this world.
I have a dream. And I can't do this without you, just like any of my other dreams.
You were my best friend during school days. I have shared every single detail with you. Everything.
The studies. The gossip. The boys. The teachers. Everything I did.
What you said was bible to me.
I have very diligently followed to each and every advise you gave. And I never needed a friend, because you were there.
Then all of a sudden I shifted base to an extremely modern city wherein I was under a cultural shock for an year.
I had never seen students kissing in college. Smoking openly or hurling abuses.
I was very scared. Like a cub. As I started to tell you this, you got scared too and wanted me to come back.
But I wanted to experience a new place and learn things on my own. I wanted to work hard and make a name for myself.
I was naive. Once during my photography classes I saw two dogs doing something funny and clicked them. I was later stopped by a friend because they were actually having an intercourse.
Never dated anyone.Never stayed at a friends place for a night out. Never went out for a movies with friends.
While I was trying to adjust in a new place away from you, I also became extremely low on self esteem because of my weight. I saw how the cute looking men never gave me a second glance. Though,the ones I didn't like , were all over me.
I was betrayed by my friends on several occasions. I was made fun of and ridiculed a number of times for various reasons.
College was a difficult time for me and I grew apart from you further and further.
I couldn't share things with you.
Unfortunately we belong to two different generations and I could not explain you well.
I never smoked, did hookah or any kind of drugs. Till date I'm proud of this.
But how could I tell you about my first kiss ? How could I tell you about the first time I touched a guy ?
I couldn't. We live in a city and society where a girl is supposed to do to everything only after marriage. And yes I was convinced too.
But my first boy friend whom I thought I would marry, was a complete retard.
I cried for days after the break up.
Why did I kiss him? Why did I let him hug me ?
Funnily I dated him for an year and met him just once and thought that was love.
But a dream was shattered here. The dream to marry the first guy, you fall in love with.
I was ashamed of myself. But couldn't tell you this. I failed as a daughter here.
I became busy with my never ending assignments and you with your work.
I started lying about going to parties and other small stuff because you'd say no to my request invariably.
I knew I was responsible for my own.
But this hiding and lying didn't do any good.
Now when I realised all this and have grown a little wiser I want us to rekindle that old bond.
- I plead you,to not think about the society and accept me the way I am.
- I request you to allow me to live my life, the way i want to. I will make you proud of me. I promise.
- I beg you to stop worrying about what society says about my thoughts, likes and habits.
- I humbly request you to stop worrying about my marriage. I will marry, when I get "the one" . I want to experience a lot many things before that. I take responsibility for my life partner. I will look for him on my own. Relax.
- Please stop thinking about what your society says about me being so called "bindaas". If living a happy life means "bindaas and characterless", I don't mind that tag.
- Having guy friends, going out on vacations with them or putting pictures with them on social media, doesn't make me a slut. They are my friends who've been with me through every thick and thin when you weren't here. I love them to bits and they are like my siblings.
Mom, all I want to tell you is that you're the only person that means to me. And I want us to share our lives with each other authentically.
I refuse to be a hypocrite.
We don't know for how long we're alive.
Life changes in a moment.
I have nothing to do with people who bring others down, out of insecurity, jealousy and frustration.
They have no right in our lives.
Let's just love each other like maniacs.
